What is Fear? Prologue
I know it’s the end of the world when five black trucks pull up in front of our house. I peer through a crack in the closed curtains, watching in awe.
Camilla sits beside me, leaning against the wall. Her blonde hair is messy today, covering her face. Mommy must have forgotten to braid it. Camilla doesn’t look as fascinated as I am. She’s only four, and it’s okay to be scared at four. But I’m eight. I’m not scared.
“Tegan, Camilla, come away from there,” Daddy calls from across the room. Camilla rushes to his side and grasps his leg. I walk over, taking my time as I pull myself up into a chair beside Michael. I frown as I look at Daddy’s face. With his eyebrows scrunched together and a frown where his smile should be, he looks afraid. Daddy is never afraid.
“Where’s Mommy?” Camilla asks. Tears start to well up in her emerald green eyes.
“She’s still at work,” I inform her. I’m smart, but I’m not as smart as Michael is. He’s my older brother. He’s really smart because he’s eleven.
Michael sits beside Daddy. His brown hair hangs down over his eyes as he reads a book. I don’t know why he likes those old things so much. Maybe that’s why he’s so smart.
I look around, trying to find something to do. The big, square house is pretty empty. There’s nothing to do in the kitchen, and I don’t think Daddy wants me to jump on the couch right now. So I sneak back over to the window and press my face against the glass.
The black trucks are still there, sitting in the middle of our street, where all the houses look like giant building blocks. They’re the same on the inside, too. Michael thinks it’s weird, but I think it’s nice because you never have to ask where the bathroom is.
The doorknob jiggles and Camilla screams, but it’s not the men from the big black trucks. It’s Mommy.
“Owen,” Mommy says, rushing to Daddy’s side. “I came as fast as I could.”
Everybody looks scared now. Everybody except Michael. And me.
“Who are they?” Camilla cries, the tears spilling over her round cheeks.
“They’re from the government,” Michael says, kicking his feet beneath the table as he reads.
“Michael,” Mommy hisses as Camilla clutches onto her skirt. “Put that thing away,” she gestures at the book.
“But it’s true,” he mutters as he closes the red bound book.
“Children, down to the basement. Let’s go.” Daddy pushes us toward the basement door.
Daddy catches Mommy’s hand as she opens the door. “Everything’s going to be alright, Bailey,” he says to Mommy as I pass them.
I pause halfway down the stairs and look up at them.
Mommy shakes her head. “We should have called him,” she whispers.
“I won’t give up my son to anyone,” Daddy insists, squeezing her hand. “Legion or Phantom. They’re different sides of the same coin. I won’t let them destroy this family.”
Mommy nods and wipes a tear away. She’s… crying? But Mommy doesn’t cry.
As Daddy pulls Mommy into a hug, I hurry down the rest of the stairs so they won’t know I was listening.
The basement is a big concrete box. The only things we keep down here are an old freezer and some toys. Camilla goes straight to her doll while Michael sits down in the corner and starts to read his book again. I sit down next to him and whisper, “Why are they afraid?”
Michael pauses, his book half open. “Mommy and Daddy don’t like the government.” His voice wobbles just a little bit.
I look at Daddy and Mommy. They speak in whispers, standing by our toy chest.
“Why not?” I ask.
Michael doesn’t look at me. “They think that they’re going to take me away.”
“Because of the mean man yesterday? Why would they do that?” They can’t take Michael away. I’d miss him too much.
His blue gaze meets mine. He says it so quietly that I barely hear him.
“Because I’m a Special.”
I slouch against the cold concrete wall and hug my knees. I’ve heard that word before. I don’t know what it means to be a ‘Special’, but I’m starting to think it’s bad.
A loud knock sounds from upstairs. I jump. Camilla screams. Michael continues reading his book, but I know he’s scared too because his knuckles turn all white while he grips the book.
“Children, in the corner,” Daddy commands.
We do as he says. He turns off the lights and goes up the stairs. Mommy sits Camilla beside us, comforting her. She’s afraid of the dark. Camilla’s afraid of everything. Then Mommy leaves, disappearing up the stairs. The basement door closes, cutting off all the light.
Another bang sounds from upstairs. I hear Daddy shouting at someone.
For the first time today, fear floods into my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“It’s ok, Tegan,” Michael says right next to my ear. Hearing the fear in his voice makes it hard for me to believe him. “Daddy will protect us.”
Right. Daddy can save us. He’s like a superhero.
Still… I chew on my lip.
I look up through the darkness at the ceiling as I hear heavy footsteps flood into our house. Camilla grabs onto my hand as the basement door handle jiggles.
“You have no business here!” Daddy shouts. After a loud bang, the basement door flies open, light pouring into the basement. Men dressed all in black funnel down the stairs, turning on flashlights. Daddy tries to grab one of them.
He can’t stop them. They shove Daddy out of the way and turn toward us.
I can’t breathe.
The light beam flashes over Daddy’s face, showing his horrified expression. Camilla screams, slipping from my grasp and toddling over to Daddy’s side.
The men in black grab Michael just as I do. In the dark and random flashes of flashlight beams, I can’t make out anything but their hands. These men are monsters.
I scream as they try to pull Michael away from me.
Michael kicks at the man. “Let me go!” he yells.
“Leave him alone,” I cry. “He doesn’t want to leave.”
“No!” Daddy calls. Another flashlight beam shows him diving toward us. He collides with one of the men, then he disappears into the dark. There’s a yell. The man Daddy tried to tackle shines his flashlight down at Daddy. Daddy doesn’t move.
“Owen!” Mommy cries, rushing down the stairs.
I cry, clinging onto Michael as hard as I can. His hands start to slip through mine.
Pain flares across my face as the bad man slaps me, sending me reeling backward.
Michael slips from my grasp and I fall to the floor, crying harder as I cover my stinging cheek. The man shoves me back into the wall as the others take Michael away from me. Michael shouts my name as he disappears into the dark.
Balling my hands into fists, I yell, “You can’t take him!”
Mommy sets Camilla in my lap. As I hold her, Camilla buries her head in my shoulder, but I can’t look away. In another moving flash of light, Mommy attacks one of the men. I pull Camilla closer. I’ve never seen Mommy so angry before. The men pry Mommy away from them. A loud bang sounds.
The flashlight beams flee up the stairs.
I hear crying. Angry crying and angry shouting from Daddy.
Camilla won’t let go of me. Her entire body shakes as she cries.
“Mommy?” I ask, trying to push Camilla away. “Daddy? Mommy?” I try to crawl toward them, my heart pounding. I can’t see anything and Camilla won’t let go. “Stop it, Camilla,” I say, trying not to sound scared. I stand up and feel my way around the room. I trip over Camilla’s doll, but keep going, dragging Camilla along with me. Finding the light switch, I flick it on and look around. Mommy isn’t moving. Daddy cries overtop of her. Michael isn’t there anymore. I drop Camilla’s hand and run up the stairs. “Michael!” I scream, climbing over the broken basement door. I run to the window and press my face against the glass again.
The trucks are gone.
Camilla sits beside me, leaning against the wall. Her blonde hair is messy today, covering her face. Mommy must have forgotten to braid it. Camilla doesn’t look as fascinated as I am. She’s only four, and it’s okay to be scared at four. But I’m eight. I’m not scared.
“Tegan, Camilla, come away from there,” Daddy calls from across the room. Camilla rushes to his side and grasps his leg. I walk over, taking my time as I pull myself up into a chair beside Michael. I frown as I look at Daddy’s face. With his eyebrows scrunched together and a frown where his smile should be, he looks afraid. Daddy is never afraid.
“Where’s Mommy?” Camilla asks. Tears start to well up in her emerald green eyes.
“She’s still at work,” I inform her. I’m smart, but I’m not as smart as Michael is. He’s my older brother. He’s really smart because he’s eleven.
Michael sits beside Daddy. His brown hair hangs down over his eyes as he reads a book. I don’t know why he likes those old things so much. Maybe that’s why he’s so smart.
I look around, trying to find something to do. The big, square house is pretty empty. There’s nothing to do in the kitchen, and I don’t think Daddy wants me to jump on the couch right now. So I sneak back over to the window and press my face against the glass.
The black trucks are still there, sitting in the middle of our street, where all the houses look like giant building blocks. They’re the same on the inside, too. Michael thinks it’s weird, but I think it’s nice because you never have to ask where the bathroom is.
The doorknob jiggles and Camilla screams, but it’s not the men from the big black trucks. It’s Mommy.
“Owen,” Mommy says, rushing to Daddy’s side. “I came as fast as I could.”
Everybody looks scared now. Everybody except Michael. And me.
“Who are they?” Camilla cries, the tears spilling over her round cheeks.
“They’re from the government,” Michael says, kicking his feet beneath the table as he reads.
“Michael,” Mommy hisses as Camilla clutches onto her skirt. “Put that thing away,” she gestures at the book.
“But it’s true,” he mutters as he closes the red bound book.
“Children, down to the basement. Let’s go.” Daddy pushes us toward the basement door.
Daddy catches Mommy’s hand as she opens the door. “Everything’s going to be alright, Bailey,” he says to Mommy as I pass them.
I pause halfway down the stairs and look up at them.
Mommy shakes her head. “We should have called him,” she whispers.
“I won’t give up my son to anyone,” Daddy insists, squeezing her hand. “Legion or Phantom. They’re different sides of the same coin. I won’t let them destroy this family.”
Mommy nods and wipes a tear away. She’s… crying? But Mommy doesn’t cry.
As Daddy pulls Mommy into a hug, I hurry down the rest of the stairs so they won’t know I was listening.
The basement is a big concrete box. The only things we keep down here are an old freezer and some toys. Camilla goes straight to her doll while Michael sits down in the corner and starts to read his book again. I sit down next to him and whisper, “Why are they afraid?”
Michael pauses, his book half open. “Mommy and Daddy don’t like the government.” His voice wobbles just a little bit.
I look at Daddy and Mommy. They speak in whispers, standing by our toy chest.
“Why not?” I ask.
Michael doesn’t look at me. “They think that they’re going to take me away.”
“Because of the mean man yesterday? Why would they do that?” They can’t take Michael away. I’d miss him too much.
His blue gaze meets mine. He says it so quietly that I barely hear him.
“Because I’m a Special.”
I slouch against the cold concrete wall and hug my knees. I’ve heard that word before. I don’t know what it means to be a ‘Special’, but I’m starting to think it’s bad.
A loud knock sounds from upstairs. I jump. Camilla screams. Michael continues reading his book, but I know he’s scared too because his knuckles turn all white while he grips the book.
“Children, in the corner,” Daddy commands.
We do as he says. He turns off the lights and goes up the stairs. Mommy sits Camilla beside us, comforting her. She’s afraid of the dark. Camilla’s afraid of everything. Then Mommy leaves, disappearing up the stairs. The basement door closes, cutting off all the light.
Another bang sounds from upstairs. I hear Daddy shouting at someone.
For the first time today, fear floods into my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“It’s ok, Tegan,” Michael says right next to my ear. Hearing the fear in his voice makes it hard for me to believe him. “Daddy will protect us.”
Right. Daddy can save us. He’s like a superhero.
Still… I chew on my lip.
I look up through the darkness at the ceiling as I hear heavy footsteps flood into our house. Camilla grabs onto my hand as the basement door handle jiggles.
“You have no business here!” Daddy shouts. After a loud bang, the basement door flies open, light pouring into the basement. Men dressed all in black funnel down the stairs, turning on flashlights. Daddy tries to grab one of them.
He can’t stop them. They shove Daddy out of the way and turn toward us.
I can’t breathe.
The light beam flashes over Daddy’s face, showing his horrified expression. Camilla screams, slipping from my grasp and toddling over to Daddy’s side.
The men in black grab Michael just as I do. In the dark and random flashes of flashlight beams, I can’t make out anything but their hands. These men are monsters.
I scream as they try to pull Michael away from me.
Michael kicks at the man. “Let me go!” he yells.
“Leave him alone,” I cry. “He doesn’t want to leave.”
“No!” Daddy calls. Another flashlight beam shows him diving toward us. He collides with one of the men, then he disappears into the dark. There’s a yell. The man Daddy tried to tackle shines his flashlight down at Daddy. Daddy doesn’t move.
“Owen!” Mommy cries, rushing down the stairs.
I cry, clinging onto Michael as hard as I can. His hands start to slip through mine.
Pain flares across my face as the bad man slaps me, sending me reeling backward.
Michael slips from my grasp and I fall to the floor, crying harder as I cover my stinging cheek. The man shoves me back into the wall as the others take Michael away from me. Michael shouts my name as he disappears into the dark.
Balling my hands into fists, I yell, “You can’t take him!”
Mommy sets Camilla in my lap. As I hold her, Camilla buries her head in my shoulder, but I can’t look away. In another moving flash of light, Mommy attacks one of the men. I pull Camilla closer. I’ve never seen Mommy so angry before. The men pry Mommy away from them. A loud bang sounds.
The flashlight beams flee up the stairs.
I hear crying. Angry crying and angry shouting from Daddy.
Camilla won’t let go of me. Her entire body shakes as she cries.
“Mommy?” I ask, trying to push Camilla away. “Daddy? Mommy?” I try to crawl toward them, my heart pounding. I can’t see anything and Camilla won’t let go. “Stop it, Camilla,” I say, trying not to sound scared. I stand up and feel my way around the room. I trip over Camilla’s doll, but keep going, dragging Camilla along with me. Finding the light switch, I flick it on and look around. Mommy isn’t moving. Daddy cries overtop of her. Michael isn’t there anymore. I drop Camilla’s hand and run up the stairs. “Michael!” I scream, climbing over the broken basement door. I run to the window and press my face against the glass again.
The trucks are gone.